I am hesitate about my future

For many people, future is unpredictable, so is mine. But I tried to plan it two years ago, and as an old ancestor said: you never know what will happen in next second. I have to change or adjust my plan now. I ever planed to study aboard just after I finish my military service; however my family has had financial problem when my grandfather tried to join-venture with other people and invested a company oversea. Having a company sounds like that I should not worried where my job will be, but the grandfather of mine is my mother's father; further, my mother does not want me to participate the company, because she thinks there are too many people want to get the bowl in "her family". However, the financial problem in the company forces my parents to mortgage my home to the bank to gather money. I say it more clearly. There maybe nowhere to stay within a year if we face the worst situation.

In my view, there is a way for me to struggle in the future, but I fear something I don't know. I find I feel panic when I am in an uncertain situation. When I am in panic that makes me perspire and feel shattered, I try to tell myself to be strong, confident, and calm down. I always pull myself together after having sweaty hands. I think it is some kinds of psychological disease or some challenges made by god to treat my ability to persevere with my dream and my idea.

In order to conquer the problem, I, as usual, adjust my plan. Each time I revise my plan to get the hand of changing environment I feel fidgety going to the next step. However, I know things change as moon waxing and waning. It is the time for me to take the responsibility of living. In the past, my parents had sacrificed too much for their children; now, I will find a job and make money while my brother serves his military service. There is no excuse to evade the problem. I feel more composed in my mind when writing to this sentence. Maybe it is someone divine tells me this is a right way.

I hope I will do something right in the future for my family and for my life. I can just live once in my whole life. At the meantime, I know direction I go and there is more crucial thing- dream is for people who don't act, and what I have is target which is based on a practical plan. All I need to follow is that executing the plan with my total vigor.